Frustration: If you know me, you know my favorite slams have been against Americans. It seemed so obvious and natural, it took me awhile to realize the offensiveness… I realize it does arise out of a bitterness. The bitterness arises from deep, long-term frustration over living in a country whose customs I do not understand, agree with, and have felt squeamish about fitting into.
I am: I have long been searching for “who I am.” I have the right to be doing this, because it’s not clear to me; because discovering this is one of the things it means to be human, to know where my worth is found!; because to be human is to be Christian and to be Christian is to spend life learning who God is, which you learn by his relationship to yourself and others. The way I’ve attempted to discover this is by putting myself into categories. For example: in the Meyers-Briggs test, I’ve come up multiple times as an INTP. I’m a musician, and apparently creative. Spunky. A dancer. Counter-cultural? I’m moody, which could be my own fault; a disorder; the long-term depression that’s befuddled me. I’m indecisive. Am I emotional? Am I a “procrastinator”? What am I good at, or have potential to be good at, or can be disciplined enough to specialize in? Am I a “perfectionist”? Am I a “good Christian”? “Judgmental”? I am philosophical? I meet God through my mind. Mentally unhealthy? Neurotic? More tempted in areas xyz? Under-interested in what I should be, i.e. pop-culture , sexuality (this one’s for you girlfriend), …? Do I have an anxiety problem? ADD? Bipolar? Lazy and unmotivated? There are all parts. But I am not the sum of my parts. And I’m missing the whole.
Orientation: The whole is what I need to have a feel for, an underlying intuition of, in order to move forward. Having your bearings straight (a process I’m not sure everyone pushes through?) means being able to stand behind who you are and become it. (read “Let your Life Speak” by Parker J. Palmer) This is a manual process for some of us, and not for others - for whom, forgive me, it seems parts of life are far easier. The latter have not been obliged to ask personal questions about culture. They know what home is without ever having to talk about it – when you’re asked, “where are you from?,” you have something to put down on paper and stand by. Can you picture not having that?
The real issue: So, it appears I am not so much dealing with what is wrong with me. It’s not so much a mental disorder, or even your typical existential crisis. I both enjoy and cope with memories from separate worlds. Thus I conclude, my struggle is to understand myself in terms of cultural differences.
TCK: The problem, and this hit me hard in the middle of the chapter, is that where I to return to
Let me show you the quotes I read about Germans that reminded me of my guilty misfitting, or that I’ve “overcome” in myself (to my discomfort):
- Time lies at the center of the German culture. … one of the principle ways of organizing life.
- German time and consciousness are steeped in the past. When they explain something, they often find it necessary to lay a proper foundation and as a result are apt to go back to Charlmagne. Such lengthy explanations make the average American impatient and drive the French crazy.
- German(s) ... plan for the future, methodically building a solid foundation. They are not preoccupied with immediate results. … great difference in tempo between German(s) and American(s)
- Germans are not mobile. Many have stayed in the same geographic region and even the same house for generations and have had little interaction with foreigners. Many (Germans) are not used to meeting and interacting with strangers at home. As a result they the Auslรคnder with a certain wariness
- Americans often comment that Germans do not smile when being introduced. Smiling is for friends. Gestures are also restrained. Their handshake is firm and they look directly at you. Germans may appear stiff, distant and even forbidding to Americans
- The children learn compartmentalization early. Schools are compartmentalized and only academic subjects are taught. There are no athletic clubs, no after-school programs…(I now see why I’ve naturally deemed all this unworthy of my time) After class, teachers go home and children are responsible for doing their homework (we didn’t have house-hold chores b/c of this. I attended school on Saturdays.)
- They don’t pamper either people or things – both are supposed to have the strength of discipline, and control to be able to take it.
- Germans value honesty and directness, and they love examples. The term zum Beispiel (“for example”) is frequently used phrase. (My love of the universal-particular, the general – specific, distinction.)
- The German language is much more literal than English. This means Germans are conditioned from early childhood to be exact in the meaning of words. Each German word has a specific meaning. Zum Beispiel, in English there is only one word for “comfort.” The Germans have eight, each denoting a slightly different type of comfort (leads to thinking Americans are careless in use of lang)
- Germans usually regard concise writing as simple-minded and not worthy of serious consideration. Many regarded German authors are noted for their complex, reticulated styles. The more difficult it is to understand, the more valuable the ideas must be (Kant, anyone?)
- Germans on the whole are quite serious and take themselves very seriously. … work is serious business.
- Germans do not hesitate to tell people when they are out of line
- They want to get beneath the surface to see the underlying truth; they want to see all the facts, the good and the bad. Until they do, they cannot feel secure. They are not afraid of shocking people or of controversy… They want to see everything for themselves, even those things that are unpleasant.
- Along with their directness and frankness goes an absolute absence of what we call chit-chat. Germans do not “make conversation” at social gatherings; they are serious and dislike small talk. They are also not open to strangers or casual acquaintances -here the contrast between the G and A cultures is EXTREME.
- Germans have friendships deeper than anything most Americans have known. In
Kapisch?
Practical instance: How long have I sought to be understood? Felt the insatiable wrongness of a lonely soul? How many times have I decided that it’s an emotional connection, i.e. the people who’ll understand me will be those with a similar neurosis or diagnosis; or intellectually, those in my (academic) major asking some of the same questions? I manually decided, here I’ll finally find true depth. However, this is not satisfyingly accurate. Besides the culture I’ll never find in one location (it does exist, just ‘metaphysically’ across the planet), and besides going through a rigorous and confusing process of acceptance and adaptation to my current culture, the only thing that transcends through all people is where I’m looking to connect:
But how to make my meaning clear without using abused wording? I’ll attempt: One does not alone find satisfaction through connecting with another emotionally – intellectually – physically. You know you’ve tried it. The joy, the peace, the hope, is a result of your spirit being in communion with the Spirit and meeting my live spirit.
Ask: something every thing in life should ask. I said my main struggle is with cultural differences. Add to that a question I ask, but the book does not address, one much like the challenging discussion of male/female understanding of what is sin, and what is merely difference: What does Scripture align with in a culture? Asking this means putting aside a lot of assumptions of what sin is. On a side note, it’s quite different than you assume. (read Henry Fairlie’s gripping “The Seven Deadly Sins Today”) … hmmm, follow that train of thought later.
Get me right on this: to those who read me here, please recognize the delicately personal and exploratory nature of this Montagnian essay. Here I articulate, not assert. If you’re capable of withholding such, I ask for neither analysis nor critique. Okay?
