this was not my idea
no i would not have though of this
though i admit there was evidence
surely not enough to convict
that a man was not his own
and there was more than day to day
how there could be a promise of hope
and healing that the soul might live again
Chorus
never would've bought it
never would've thought it could be
never would've held it
until it took hold of me, hold of me
now i've found freedom
now mercy holds my hand
it took the grace of One living
to save this dying man
now as i look at these pages
i see a story told in whole
not just segments or phrases
but a story of the soul
and now a man was not his own
and there was more than day to day
how there can be a promise of hope
and healing that the soul might live again
never would've bought it
never would've thought it could be
- PFR, Dying Man
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
The Four Loves
Chapter II
The lowest - without which the highest does not stand
The human mind is generally far more eager to praise and dispraise than to describe and define.
Where Need-love is left unaided we can hardly expect it not to "die on us" once the need is no more. That is why the world rings with the complaints of mothers whose grown-up children neglect them and of forsaken mistresses whose lovers' love was pure need - which they have satisfied. Our Need-love for God is in a different position because our need of Him can never end either in this world or in any other. But our awareness of it can, and then the Need-love dies too.
Nothing about us except our neediness is, in this life, permanent.
If you take nature as a teacher she will teach you exactly the lessons you have already decided to learn; this is only another way of saying that nature does not teach. ... in them each (the images of nature) man can clothe his own belief. We must learn our theology or philosophy elsewhere (not surprisingly, we often learn them from theologians and philosophers). hahahahaha! Nature never taught me that there exists a God of glory and of infinite majesty. I had to learn that in other ways. But nature gave the word "glory a meaning for me.
Where the sentiment of patriotism has been destroyed this can be done only by presenting every international conflict in a purely ethical light. If people will spend neither sweat nor blood for "their country" they must be made to feel that they are spending them for justice, or civilisation, or humanity. This is a step down, not up. ... a false transcendence is given to things which are very much of this world.
Large parts of "the World" will not hear us till we have publicly disowned much of our past. Why should they? We have shouted the name of Christ and enacted the service of Moloch.
The lowest - without which the highest does not stand
The human mind is generally far more eager to praise and dispraise than to describe and define.
Where Need-love is left unaided we can hardly expect it not to "die on us" once the need is no more. That is why the world rings with the complaints of mothers whose grown-up children neglect them and of forsaken mistresses whose lovers' love was pure need - which they have satisfied. Our Need-love for God is in a different position because our need of Him can never end either in this world or in any other. But our awareness of it can, and then the Need-love dies too.
Nothing about us except our neediness is, in this life, permanent.
If you take nature as a teacher she will teach you exactly the lessons you have already decided to learn; this is only another way of saying that nature does not teach. ... in them each (the images of nature) man can clothe his own belief. We must learn our theology or philosophy elsewhere (not surprisingly, we often learn them from theologians and philosophers). hahahahaha! Nature never taught me that there exists a God of glory and of infinite majesty. I had to learn that in other ways. But nature gave the word "glory a meaning for me.
Where the sentiment of patriotism has been destroyed this can be done only by presenting every international conflict in a purely ethical light. If people will spend neither sweat nor blood for "their country" they must be made to feel that they are spending them for justice, or civilisation, or humanity. This is a step down, not up. ... a false transcendence is given to things which are very much of this world.
Large parts of "the World" will not hear us till we have publicly disowned much of our past. Why should they? We have shouted the name of Christ and enacted the service of Moloch.
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Colour
As the air grew black and the winter closed swiftly around me, the fluttering fire blazed out more luminous, and arresting its flight, hovered waiting. So soon as I came under its radiance, it flew slowly on, lingering now and then above spots where the ground was rocky. Every time I looked up, it seemed to have grown larger, and at length gave me an attendant shadow. Plainly a bird-butterfly, it flew with a certain swallowy double. Its wings were very large, nearly square, and flashed all the colours of the rainbow. Wondering at their splendour, I became so absorbed in their beauty that I stumbled over a low rock, and lay stunned. When I came to myself, the creature was hovering over my head, radiating the whole chord of light, with multitudinous gradations and some kinds of colour I had never before seen. I rose and went on, but, unable to take my eyes off the shining thing to look to my steps, I struck my foot against a stone. Fearing another fall, I sat down to watch the little glory, and a great longing awoke in me to have it in my hand. To my unspeakable delight, it began to sink toward me. slowly at first, then swiftly it sank, growing larger as it came nearer. I felt as if the treasure of the universe were giving itself to me – put out my hand, and had it. but the instant I took it, its light went out; all was dark as pitch; a dead book with boards outspread lay cold and heavy in my hand. I threw it in the air – only to hear it fall among the heather. Burying my face in my hands, I sat in motionless misery. (Lilith 47)
The Basics
I needn't lose 100 lbs
quit a drinking habit
raise a family of 10 on welfare
write a magnum opus
be a navy seal
Why can't I do something as simple as
get in and out of bed with the sun?
find ways I like to exercise?
eat in response to my body, not my mind?
In other words, why don't I take care of myself only a basic extent so that I won't be able to find a way to blame myself if I get cancer?
I don't have to love the whole world
be married to Karenin
or love someone who raped and killed my sister
or serve a racist slave-driver
(I do want to know myself, and love despite what I find.)
Why can't my intent toward those round me be
simple
kind
generous?
In other words, the basics are not as basic as they seem. So I turn my focus upon Him, and abide.
quit a drinking habit
raise a family of 10 on welfare
write a magnum opus
be a navy seal
Why can't I do something as simple as
get in and out of bed with the sun?
find ways I like to exercise?
eat in response to my body, not my mind?
In other words, why don't I take care of myself only a basic extent so that I won't be able to find a way to blame myself if I get cancer?
I don't have to love the whole world
be married to Karenin
or love someone who raped and killed my sister
or serve a racist slave-driver
(I do want to know myself, and love despite what I find.)
Why can't my intent toward those round me be
simple
kind
generous?
In other words, the basics are not as basic as they seem. So I turn my focus upon Him, and abide.
Monday, March 10, 2008
I got the job
Anna's officially a teaching associate in the special ed department until the first two days of June. The interview went swell, one of the interesting topics of conversation regarding whether teaching is a science or an art.
Anna is also officially craving MILKA, which isn't to be had for miles. :(
In other news, my young charge K. got naked in the bathroom today, and had to be coerced to put his boxers back on under his jeans. So many skills to be learned by experience! Any suggestions explaining this lavatory stripping habit?
Anna is also officially craving MILKA, which isn't to be had for miles. :(
In other news, my young charge K. got naked in the bathroom today, and had to be coerced to put his boxers back on under his jeans. So many skills to be learned by experience! Any suggestions explaining this lavatory stripping habit?
Monday, March 3, 2008
Mereology, or, "Is 2+2 still 4?"
"I am intrigued by (music's) being more than the sum of its parts" said a friend, passionate in conversation, leading me to ponder in this post...
"Philosophy will be done well or poorly based on your mereology." Mereology is the theory of parts and wholes, addressing the question of whether something can be truly distinct, yet absolutely and completely inseparable. Think of a statue made of both gold and silver: two colors may be distinguishable, but they will not be taken apart.
How many things are more than the sum of their parts? 1) I certainly am, as a physical and spiritual being. (What I identify as my) mind, body, and emotions conglomerate into something that is inseparable yet distinct from my spirit. 2) A book's meaning is more than the words on its pages; that's why some of them are very worthy of being poured over repeatedly. 3)A film similarly has life components, even truth, that weren't directed into it - they just appear (though I doubt anyone wants to admit that...besides, who cares as long as it does well in the box office). 4) Words aren't just letters. 5)Oh, and HELLO - relationship! CSL (The Four Loves) talks about person A dying, and person B losing not only A, but the B-A relationship, C loses the C-A relationship as well as observation of the B-A relationship. Heard the phrase "Let's find out what it means to be 'us'!" - not just who I am, not just who you are, but who we are together. 51/2)Again, a family: it isn't just the several individual people, but the living dynamic created between them.
What's the significance of this? AN UNDERSTANDING of community - that each part helps create the framework in which we ineluctably live, adding to the whole to makes it what it is, taking away from it when it leaves; people can thus be understood to be as valuable and unique as they really are. AN APPRECIATION of what is beyond our comprehension/understanding/knowledge, and thus gets de-legitimized, i.e. the metaphysical dimension to reality.
Why would we think otherwise? Why would we think the world was only made of addition, or finite mathematics for that matter? Probably because the world is mechanized/technologized, leading our thought to be in terms of quantity instead of quality, that which is measurable, take-apart-able. Think about off-shoring and out-sourcing, results of the information revolution of the last couple decades. Jobs that once took place locally can be split into a million pieces and sent all over the world before there is a finished product. If space (even time?) is extraneous to the completed product, it seems to follow logically that what finally comes together is no more than what it was when separate. Thus based on current social/economic conditions we assume as we do. Another way of answering includes what's mentioned in the above paragraph, noting current trends in ignoring all that is not material, all that is para-natural/behind-the-scenes-Real.
Mereology seems to relate to the mind-body question and to metaphysics. How?
to be continued...
"Philosophy will be done well or poorly based on your mereology." Mereology is the theory of parts and wholes, addressing the question of whether something can be truly distinct, yet absolutely and completely inseparable. Think of a statue made of both gold and silver: two colors may be distinguishable, but they will not be taken apart.
How many things are more than the sum of their parts? 1) I certainly am, as a physical and spiritual being. (What I identify as my) mind, body, and emotions conglomerate into something that is inseparable yet distinct from my spirit. 2) A book's meaning is more than the words on its pages; that's why some of them are very worthy of being poured over repeatedly. 3)A film similarly has life components, even truth, that weren't directed into it - they just appear (though I doubt anyone wants to admit that...besides, who cares as long as it does well in the box office). 4) Words aren't just letters. 5)Oh, and HELLO - relationship! CSL (The Four Loves) talks about person A dying, and person B losing not only A, but the B-A relationship, C loses the C-A relationship as well as observation of the B-A relationship. Heard the phrase "Let's find out what it means to be 'us'!" - not just who I am, not just who you are, but who we are together. 51/2)Again, a family: it isn't just the several individual people, but the living dynamic created between them.
What's the significance of this? AN UNDERSTANDING of community - that each part helps create the framework in which we ineluctably live, adding to the whole to makes it what it is, taking away from it when it leaves; people can thus be understood to be as valuable and unique as they really are. AN APPRECIATION of what is beyond our comprehension/understanding/knowledge, and thus gets de-legitimized, i.e. the metaphysical dimension to reality.
Why would we think otherwise? Why would we think the world was only made of addition, or finite mathematics for that matter? Probably because the world is mechanized/technologized, leading our thought to be in terms of quantity instead of quality, that which is measurable, take-apart-able. Think about off-shoring and out-sourcing, results of the information revolution of the last couple decades. Jobs that once took place locally can be split into a million pieces and sent all over the world before there is a finished product. If space (even time?) is extraneous to the completed product, it seems to follow logically that what finally comes together is no more than what it was when separate. Thus based on current social/economic conditions we assume as we do. Another way of answering includes what's mentioned in the above paragraph, noting current trends in ignoring all that is not material, all that is para-natural/behind-the-scenes-Real.
Mereology seems to relate to the mind-body question and to metaphysics. How?
to be continued...
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Today, Valentines
I describe a feeling, then tell you more about K. (my prodigy...progeny...protege? w.e.), then leave off with two quotes:
1) To strain your senses and awareness to fully grasp a thing, then realize a)no-one else is trying so hard, b) there's heartily less to see in it than you'd expected. For example, applying the same amount of mental energy to Francine Rivers that you would to War and Peace.
This is similar to tipping the cup to your mouth anticipating a sip of milk, and getting a sip of water.
Once harnessed, that is, if you learn what is the proper amount of concentration to apply, much mental and thus over-all energy will be saved, where you earlier put undue effort in.
Which nasty behaviors to remind them to stop, and which to let slip? Which battles will win the war.
2) Kourtlin continues:
We had another exciting naked episode. Moral of the story: for amusement, try trusting him. We were in the classroom listening to the teacher read the book; she's quite good at it, and the book interesting, as fourth grade level books go. So I when he makes the sign-language sign for bathroom, and orders me fiercely back to my seat, I comply. ... a few minutes later he's running around the hall with nothing but underwear. This was amusing, but doesn't beat the time he tapped L. on the shoulder and she turned around to see him wearing less.
I like being conned; if it's someone stupid, I see right through it. Much better is someone ingenious, to whom I can say touche, and almost thank them.
The class had a spelling test today. We were playing SPARKLE, which I remember well... my there-ness had lapsed when I was brought back into the zone at Mrs. H's comment that she'd "never had a class laugh at that word" - duty. I suppose it sounds like doodoo? I reacted kind of like the time Benji and I learned the German word for puppet, Puppe, pronounced poop-eh: consciously too mature to smile.
This smug, natural ability to feel above it all (though I've proven myself otherwise, with a marshmallow "got milk?" mustache, and my inevitable respond to a child escaping out the door "and don't come back"). The teachers and aids continually look over students' heads and sympathize, especially with me. "He must be a handful." - "I don't know how anyone could have enough energy to keep up with him all day." - "Aren't you exhausted by the end of every day?" And I nod in humilitous pride. That teacherly expression is part of what keeps me going every day.
But the most affective memory was the last, walking out the door as I offered my homemade cupcakes to a few adults in the doorway. Upon seeing they were homemade, the overstuffed teachers took one each after all. I gently encouraged the grandfatherly man in grey hair waiting inside the door. "You sure you don't want one?" Timidly he reached in. "I haven't had one of these in years," he said. I felt like he was an angel, or could at least be a friend, in another world.
3) The Germans know reality. a) an "old proverb," b) Nietzsche (out of the introduction to Walter Kauffman's translation of Faust):
"To understand and be understood makes our happiness on earth." (Translation: Verstehen und verstanden sein macht das Glücklichkeit auf Erden. Close?)
"Nur wer sich wandelt, bleibt mit mir verwandt - only those who continue to change remain my kin."
1) To strain your senses and awareness to fully grasp a thing, then realize a)no-one else is trying so hard, b) there's heartily less to see in it than you'd expected. For example, applying the same amount of mental energy to Francine Rivers that you would to War and Peace.
This is similar to tipping the cup to your mouth anticipating a sip of milk, and getting a sip of water.
Once harnessed, that is, if you learn what is the proper amount of concentration to apply, much mental and thus over-all energy will be saved, where you earlier put undue effort in.
Which nasty behaviors to remind them to stop, and which to let slip? Which battles will win the war.
2) Kourtlin continues:
We had another exciting naked episode. Moral of the story: for amusement, try trusting him. We were in the classroom listening to the teacher read the book; she's quite good at it, and the book interesting, as fourth grade level books go. So I when he makes the sign-language sign for bathroom, and orders me fiercely back to my seat, I comply. ... a few minutes later he's running around the hall with nothing but underwear. This was amusing, but doesn't beat the time he tapped L. on the shoulder and she turned around to see him wearing less.
I like being conned; if it's someone stupid, I see right through it. Much better is someone ingenious, to whom I can say touche, and almost thank them.
The class had a spelling test today. We were playing SPARKLE, which I remember well... my there-ness had lapsed when I was brought back into the zone at Mrs. H's comment that she'd "never had a class laugh at that word" - duty. I suppose it sounds like doodoo? I reacted kind of like the time Benji and I learned the German word for puppet, Puppe, pronounced poop-eh: consciously too mature to smile.
This smug, natural ability to feel above it all (though I've proven myself otherwise, with a marshmallow "got milk?" mustache, and my inevitable respond to a child escaping out the door "and don't come back"). The teachers and aids continually look over students' heads and sympathize, especially with me. "He must be a handful." - "I don't know how anyone could have enough energy to keep up with him all day." - "Aren't you exhausted by the end of every day?" And I nod in humilitous pride. That teacherly expression is part of what keeps me going every day.
But the most affective memory was the last, walking out the door as I offered my homemade cupcakes to a few adults in the doorway. Upon seeing they were homemade, the overstuffed teachers took one each after all. I gently encouraged the grandfatherly man in grey hair waiting inside the door. "You sure you don't want one?" Timidly he reached in. "I haven't had one of these in years," he said. I felt like he was an angel, or could at least be a friend, in another world.
3) The Germans know reality. a) an "old proverb," b) Nietzsche (out of the introduction to Walter Kauffman's translation of Faust):
"To understand and be understood makes our happiness on earth." (Translation: Verstehen und verstanden sein macht das Glücklichkeit auf Erden. Close?)
"Nur wer sich wandelt, bleibt mit mir verwandt - only those who continue to change remain my kin."
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Relational worries
God, give me hind’s ably precise feet to bring me to right relationship; to this end, I ask questions. I want to stand on what others have learned, as well as obey Christ, but also to learn on my own, and to not simply hold on to Biblical Principles, as well as to enjoy life and not fear mistakes so much that I don’t learn. (How much can be learned without them??) I don’t want to live based off my parent’s (or James Dobson’s) opinions. I don’t want passively let media permeate me. I don’t want to live off just my own reasoning, but as long as the latter is informed by biblical principles which can be applied, and solidly reasoned, I am learning about them.
2. A Piper sermon I just skimmed said we’re “called not to engage in a sexual relationship outside of marriage.” I want to (am no-where near done) systematically note if there's support in Bible ideology (note: am NOT looking for references) for this. (a) I know “no adultery” is a commandment, in other words, do not engage in a second sexual relationship. (b) does “sexual” include …kissing…making out…foreplay…non-physical elements as well… (c) aren’t most ‘romantic’ relationships inherently ‘sexual’ relationships; does this speak as harshly as it sounds like it does to the sexual relationship assumed in dating? Key word, assumed; maybe natural is another one. Is the conclusion, then, that I am not to engage myself in these? To the extent off laying off exhilaration of doing, even thinking, anything sexual with the boyfriend, avoiding FUN flings, forsaking delightful fantasies, cuddling with a guy friend even though it’s not going any further, thinking of what I sexually am, need, deserve? If romantic relationships ARE sexual, ? Am I to be unsatisfied, and to not satisfy another? What does it mean to walk the straight and narrow here, and to walk it not in my own strength or of my own initiative, but in faith…? If I were to go along with this, I’d have to avoid sex (as I find it around me) a whole lot more scrupulously. I don’t see myself ending up happier, just more aloof and ignorant, counter-cultural, ... not in or of the world.
I'm no advocate of WWJD. But whatever did Jesus do??
Conclusion: Bonhoeffer. "The response of the disciples is an act of obedience, not a confession of faith in Jesus." -- "Christianity without the living Christ is inevitably Christianity without discipleship, and Christianity without discipleship is always Christianity without Christ. It remains an abstract idea, a myth." !!!
His disciples, "Christ has delivered them from the immediacy with the world, and brought them into immediacy with himself." -- "He is the mediator, not only between God and man, but between man and man, between man and reality." -- "Since his coming man has no immediate relationship of his own any more to anything, neither to God nor to the world; -- Of course, there are plenty of gods who offer men direct access, and the world naturally uses every means in its power to retain its direct hold on men" -- "Christ wants to be the mediator."
THAT satisfies me.
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Color
I like those slow-release shots a lot. It's in the middle of a big city, at dusk, all the cars driving home, lights just turning on, sun still proceeding toward the earth - your eyes miss the disproportionate shadows because they're tracing lines of brilliant color.
"Plainly a bird-butterfly, it flew with a certain swallowy double. Its wings were very large, nearly square, and flashed all the colours of the rainbow. Wondering at their splendour, I became so absorbed in their beauty that i stumbled over a low rock, and lay stunned. When I came to myself, the creature was hovering over my head, radiating the whole chord of light, with multitudinous gradations and some kinds of colour I had never before seen. ...unable to take my eyes off the shining thing to look at my steps ... I sat down to watch the little glory ... To my unspeakable delight, it began to sink toward me ... I felt as if the treasure of the universe were giving itself to me."
(Lilith, 47)
I love color in-and-of-itself. It's usually on something, a "secondary property." Think: what if it's not the color that's there, but the eyes (at least, heart and mind's eyes) seeing it that give it certain color? All these situations here are deeply colored, shaded, hued by the one experiencing. What color are you seeing?
People who listen to Des Moines "Light" radio. I think they use barely perceptible, pale shades.
I have a lot of drastic moods right now. Mascara is all over my hands - I wouldn't have worn it, but I had an interview this morning. A couple nights ago, I was absolutely high (?) on Ghandi, enthralled with his campaign to make peace with his soul, wanted to jump to it then and there in the wee morning hours. The day before I had been uncontrollable, in the opposite direction.
The emotions of this period of my life are coming with less deep stirring than I remember having had. It's like the cry or laugh or thrill just wells up out of zero, - when I expected a normal day, my body expected something else -
At Capernwray when we were getting on a bus once, my friend C. impressed me telling me how he sometimes viewed the happy oblivious people. One or several of them might not come back. This is reality. But so is the butterfly.
Meanings:
Light - insignificant, chitter-chatter
Light - weightless
Light - of the world
Grave - open-mouth, daisy-toothed, consuming the dead
Grave - somber gravity
Grave - -9.81
and further?
"Plainly a bird-butterfly, it flew with a certain swallowy double. Its wings were very large, nearly square, and flashed all the colours of the rainbow. Wondering at their splendour, I became so absorbed in their beauty that i stumbled over a low rock, and lay stunned. When I came to myself, the creature was hovering over my head, radiating the whole chord of light, with multitudinous gradations and some kinds of colour I had never before seen. ...unable to take my eyes off the shining thing to look at my steps ... I sat down to watch the little glory ... To my unspeakable delight, it began to sink toward me ... I felt as if the treasure of the universe were giving itself to me."
(Lilith, 47)
I love color in-and-of-itself. It's usually on something, a "secondary property." Think: what if it's not the color that's there, but the eyes (at least, heart and mind's eyes) seeing it that give it certain color? All these situations here are deeply colored, shaded, hued by the one experiencing. What color are you seeing?
People who listen to Des Moines "Light" radio. I think they use barely perceptible, pale shades.
I have a lot of drastic moods right now. Mascara is all over my hands - I wouldn't have worn it, but I had an interview this morning. A couple nights ago, I was absolutely high (?) on Ghandi, enthralled with his campaign to make peace with his soul, wanted to jump to it then and there in the wee morning hours. The day before I had been uncontrollable, in the opposite direction.
The emotions of this period of my life are coming with less deep stirring than I remember having had. It's like the cry or laugh or thrill just wells up out of zero, - when I expected a normal day, my body expected something else -
At Capernwray when we were getting on a bus once, my friend C. impressed me telling me how he sometimes viewed the happy oblivious people. One or several of them might not come back. This is reality. But so is the butterfly.
Meanings:
Light - insignificant, chitter-chatter
Light - weightless
Light - of the world
Grave - open-mouth, daisy-toothed, consuming the dead
Grave - somber gravity
Grave - -9.81
and further?
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
Ruhe
Silence. Stillness. Abiding. Peace. To Be. Breathe. Enough.
Die Ruhe. Das Ruhen. Ruhig bleiben. Stille. Pause. Sein. Atmen. Genug.
I just today realized that peace is a matter of obtaining and not of happening upon, or falling into or any form of suddenly birthday-present-Eurika, taking for granted, being angry that I didn't happen to be naturally endowed with my full share of it. When this has ... occurred ...
1) I will probably be while after it's come before I'm aware of its presence in me
2) It will cost me personally an arm and a leg, and already is, but will be worth every blood-drop, because one will not mistake it, and others will take great courage in its weather-worn light-beacon.
Whether it's okay to sort of study it, Scripturally, etymologically, every-day-ically? I mean, to study it means to do theory about it, and assume that that will work its way to my heart and soul. Well, I'm not asking, so please don't answer. I guess I know it is, in the Spirit-way I intend to go about it.
Besides, in the end, maybe "peace" or whatever I'm talking about is the analogous to knowledge of God, and that is inestimably worthy (see post below, under "haunting questions", about "driving life question).
Blah, blah, blah....nothing to be discussed that can't be talked about...nor any bed to be slept in that can't not be slept in all night long when my mind has other merry-go-rounds to attend to, all you need is love
Die Ruhe. Das Ruhen. Ruhig bleiben. Stille. Pause. Sein. Atmen. Genug.
I just today realized that peace is a matter of obtaining and not of happening upon, or falling into or any form of suddenly birthday-present-Eurika, taking for granted, being angry that I didn't happen to be naturally endowed with my full share of it. When this has ... occurred ...
1) I will probably be while after it's come before I'm aware of its presence in me
2) It will cost me personally an arm and a leg, and already is, but will be worth every blood-drop, because one will not mistake it, and others will take great courage in its weather-worn light-beacon.
Whether it's okay to sort of study it, Scripturally, etymologically, every-day-ically? I mean, to study it means to do theory about it, and assume that that will work its way to my heart and soul. Well, I'm not asking, so please don't answer. I guess I know it is, in the Spirit-way I intend to go about it.
Besides, in the end, maybe "peace" or whatever I'm talking about is the analogous to knowledge of God, and that is inestimably worthy (see post below, under "haunting questions", about "driving life question).
Blah, blah, blah....nothing to be discussed that can't be talked about...nor any bed to be slept in that can't not be slept in all night long when my mind has other merry-go-rounds to attend to, all you need is love
Suffering from History-having
On Having a History, juxtaposed with Human Suffering
In The Ultimate Gift, Jason's dead grandfather gives this "wise statement" - 'Heck, I lost all I had three or four times. It was the best thing in the world for me.' Jason proceeds to have everything (material) he owns removed from his home, garage, and person.
So what I'm going to try to articulate here is something about how ordinary it is to keep what you have, and if you lose it, do so by getting rid of it intentionally, in small quantities; and how not ordinary and painful and wrong it seems to have this happen otherwise. With this discussion of the physical matter we interact with and possess, I consider the metaphysical "haves" that go along with the physical or at least with relationship, um...
A) First, what is history? As humans it is our nature to be located in time, 1) i.e. to HAVE histories, as well as 2) to have them of various sorts (my history with the law, the confessions priest, or my riding instructor are quite different things). History is relationship, if resembling certain cafeteria meals - slushily-frozen, only half-remembered, but cell-buildingly-nutrifying.
B) I suppose we best become aware of history in practice after having tried to ignore it in theory. I have been provoked to think about history, particularly in my own pain of uprootedness (which has led to an increased appreciation of the familiar, sometimes inclusive of the boybands in my past, Barbara). I also hear that modernity models for us po-mos the dilemma of ignored history.
This picture was central to getting me out of bed to try to write all this: I attempt to make a picture of the way we experience life (reality) in light of "history". It's a weaving (there must be better metaphors?) Things fit on on top of the other; within each other; it's like water, which cannot be torn apart, just measured and moved and its space quickly re-filled, with more water, or with sand, or with salt-water,.... No thing leaves until shortly around the time something takes its place.
Ex: Your house has a lot of crap in it. Well, over the course of time (especially if you move often enough, or if your mom goes through a 7-step-sprint-phase of "Living Your Simplified Life Now!" - the new bestseller by Joel Osteen?) the amount of stuff in it may stay the same, but the type undoubtedly changes. Specifically, your underwear drawer may go from dinosaurs to minnie mouse to pink flowers to straight black, without you knowing it consciously enough to make sure you save one as a keepsake from each era. Weaves.
*Sidenote: To the effect that since the material stuff we own is stuff we use and probably won't hold on to, our lives take on a different dynamic than that of the people of the prairie days; Laura treasured her doll for her entire childhood giving it a new button or piece of hair; I had countless toys growing up and can't remember them or so much particularly special memories with most of them. So matter has much less meaning to us b/c it spends less time in our presence ("developing a history with us" if you will.)
Sooo...stuff in my life moves in and out.
C) Sometimes, though, it doesn't flow so aqueously. Sometimes the weaving is torn; there is a rip in the water - belief-staggering, unjustifiable reality that it may be. To the previous understanding of being human add suffering. [Pain, of course, is what is physical; suffering may or may not only include the (possibly corresponding) rational in our being.] Suffering results when you don't go through the ordinary process of one thing leaving just as another takes its place. (I forgot about love, of course - where you actually appreciate the identity of the thing, which is b/c the thing is someone/thing you had a history with, and that has a self of its own, and thus is irreplaceable.) So Jason had both the suddenness and the completeness of his loss to deal with. (The movie failed to show this causing him much duress.)
A couple's basement got flooded within the first year or so of their marriage; she had a lot journals destroyed. I empathized with her very much; yes, we have memories, but no we don't hap upon them them without triggers. Think about how much of her life got eaten away in one swoop. Do you see why it's a dilemma to (when I) have an empty feeling head?
If I always bring the general-specific categories to play, a friend of mine frequently draws in a distinction between either-or and what fits, instead of at poles, between them in gradation (kind of like black-white, and color). Apply here?
Conclusion: MMMAYBE some other time. Conclusion? What? That involves a far too disciplined thought-flow.
Random: Did you realize that the problem of pain would not exist as a problem, apart from the existence of Christianity? (CSL)
Unrelated, haunting questions:
- How (apart from living in moment-to-moment dependence on Christ) do I speak what is appropriate to speak or write when meeting a given audience (of one or many)? This seems like an endless challenge, possibly impossible to get the hang of.
- When I struggle so with getting it across, Is meaning (clarity?) frikkin pre-linguistic or not?? The thought-word dialectic. Something I read today went back a step further even and used pre-thought as a metaphor. Wow.
- AS I discover writing: How best for me to communicate, taking into consideration rules given by the culture, and rules given for clarity? What I do when I write is try to get you to come along on my thought process. Perhaps this is just since that's how it makes sense to me to get from point A to point Q - or b/c I have no other way of going about it - or ...whatever. That "method" though seems the most natural, and natural is bound, if still tweak-worthy, to be most consistent.
- Why, when I think about it, do I really, really, want to find some way that I am very significant and unique? There is not a simple answer to this, and it's probably one of the things (along with the curiosities of the male-female relationship) I'll be answering for a lifetime. It fits right along with a whiney "God, if everybody's your favorite, why should I care that I am, too?" I reckon the answer goes along the lines of, "b/c you don't know who you are fully yet. if you did, you would be quite satisfied with that."
- What is a, and what is your (given, not chosen, and perhaps current and changing hues at various stages of life) driving life-question? At one point, I thought mine might be, since I always come back to it, and since it is the reason I identify with the fundamental-ness-seeking of Philosophy: "What is most important to ask?" I have problems with the places this one leads, "How do I best live life?"
In The Ultimate Gift, Jason's dead grandfather gives this "wise statement" - 'Heck, I lost all I had three or four times. It was the best thing in the world for me.' Jason proceeds to have everything (material) he owns removed from his home, garage, and person.
So what I'm going to try to articulate here is something about how ordinary it is to keep what you have, and if you lose it, do so by getting rid of it intentionally, in small quantities; and how not ordinary and painful and wrong it seems to have this happen otherwise. With this discussion of the physical matter we interact with and possess, I consider the metaphysical "haves" that go along with the physical or at least with relationship, um...
A) First, what is history? As humans it is our nature to be located in time, 1) i.e. to HAVE histories, as well as 2) to have them of various sorts (my history with the law, the confessions priest, or my riding instructor are quite different things). History is relationship, if resembling certain cafeteria meals - slushily-frozen, only half-remembered, but cell-buildingly-nutrifying.
B) I suppose we best become aware of history in practice after having tried to ignore it in theory. I have been provoked to think about history, particularly in my own pain of uprootedness (which has led to an increased appreciation of the familiar, sometimes inclusive of the boybands in my past, Barbara). I also hear that modernity models for us po-mos the dilemma of ignored history.
This picture was central to getting me out of bed to try to write all this: I attempt to make a picture of the way we experience life (reality) in light of "history". It's a weaving (there must be better metaphors?) Things fit on on top of the other; within each other; it's like water, which cannot be torn apart, just measured and moved and its space quickly re-filled, with more water, or with sand, or with salt-water,.... No thing leaves until shortly around the time something takes its place.
Ex: Your house has a lot of crap in it. Well, over the course of time (especially if you move often enough, or if your mom goes through a 7-step-sprint-phase of "Living Your Simplified Life Now!" - the new bestseller by Joel Osteen?) the amount of stuff in it may stay the same, but the type undoubtedly changes. Specifically, your underwear drawer may go from dinosaurs to minnie mouse to pink flowers to straight black, without you knowing it consciously enough to make sure you save one as a keepsake from each era. Weaves.
*Sidenote: To the effect that since the material stuff we own is stuff we use and probably won't hold on to, our lives take on a different dynamic than that of the people of the prairie days; Laura treasured her doll for her entire childhood giving it a new button or piece of hair; I had countless toys growing up and can't remember them or so much particularly special memories with most of them. So matter has much less meaning to us b/c it spends less time in our presence ("developing a history with us" if you will.)
Sooo...stuff in my life moves in and out.
C) Sometimes, though, it doesn't flow so aqueously. Sometimes the weaving is torn; there is a rip in the water - belief-staggering, unjustifiable reality that it may be. To the previous understanding of being human add suffering. [Pain, of course, is what is physical; suffering may or may not only include the (possibly corresponding) rational in our being.] Suffering results when you don't go through the ordinary process of one thing leaving just as another takes its place. (I forgot about love, of course - where you actually appreciate the identity of the thing, which is b/c the thing is someone/thing you had a history with, and that has a self of its own, and thus is irreplaceable.) So Jason had both the suddenness and the completeness of his loss to deal with. (The movie failed to show this causing him much duress.)
A couple's basement got flooded within the first year or so of their marriage; she had a lot journals destroyed. I empathized with her very much; yes, we have memories, but no we don't hap upon them them without triggers. Think about how much of her life got eaten away in one swoop. Do you see why it's a dilemma to (when I) have an empty feeling head?
If I always bring the general-specific categories to play, a friend of mine frequently draws in a distinction between either-or and what fits, instead of at poles, between them in gradation (kind of like black-white, and color). Apply here?
Conclusion: MMMAYBE some other time. Conclusion? What? That involves a far too disciplined thought-flow.
Random: Did you realize that the problem of pain would not exist as a problem, apart from the existence of Christianity? (CSL)
Unrelated, haunting questions:
- How (apart from living in moment-to-moment dependence on Christ) do I speak what is appropriate to speak or write when meeting a given audience (of one or many)? This seems like an endless challenge, possibly impossible to get the hang of.
- When I struggle so with getting it across, Is meaning (clarity?) frikkin pre-linguistic or not?? The thought-word dialectic. Something I read today went back a step further even and used pre-thought as a metaphor. Wow.
- AS I discover writing: How best for me to communicate, taking into consideration rules given by the culture, and rules given for clarity? What I do when I write is try to get you to come along on my thought process. Perhaps this is just since that's how it makes sense to me to get from point A to point Q - or b/c I have no other way of going about it - or ...whatever. That "method" though seems the most natural, and natural is bound, if still tweak-worthy, to be most consistent.
- Why, when I think about it, do I really, really, want to find some way that I am very significant and unique? There is not a simple answer to this, and it's probably one of the things (along with the curiosities of the male-female relationship) I'll be answering for a lifetime. It fits right along with a whiney "God, if everybody's your favorite, why should I care that I am, too?" I reckon the answer goes along the lines of, "b/c you don't know who you are fully yet. if you did, you would be quite satisfied with that."
- What is a, and what is your (given, not chosen, and perhaps current and changing hues at various stages of life) driving life-question? At one point, I thought mine might be, since I always come back to it, and since it is the reason I identify with the fundamental-ness-seeking of Philosophy: "What is most important to ask?" I have problems with the places this one leads, "How do I best live life?"
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